Memorial in Arizona

After a difficult day our President's words aren't just rhetoric. I wish everyone had the leaders and the system of support we had (however flawed, we are blessed).

"What matters is not wealth, or status, or power, or fame — but rather, how well we have loved, and what small part we have played in making the lives of other people better." - President Obama

12 Janvier 2011

It's been a long day. It's really lonely knowing that those around you don't understand or don't even know. People keep telling me to write down my experiences. But I can't. Maybe later. Idk why. Seems too dramatic. Maybe putting it on paper makes it more real? Maybe there just aren't words? I speak ab it all in generalities. I appreciate those who checked on me back then and probed about it all. It has to be hard to ask someone ab something devastating. I could have lost it at any time, LOL, but it helped me to process. I'm not so much grieving for those who died, may their souls RIP. I'm grieving for those left suffering

If I were living in Haiti idk if I'd shake Clinton's hand or shun him. Would I graffiti "down with NGO's" even tho I work w them?... Probably. I've learned there are many out there unworthy of our trust. Don't get me wrong... Foreign aid organizations can play a vital role in helping Haiti and the developing world. The important fact is that they help best by stimulating private investment rather than providing social services. Putting $$$ into our own pockets, governmental or ngo, sending aid to Haiti, just to undercut locals workers and put people out of work makes #NoDamnSense

The best I can pray for today is a better tomorrow. Looking for guidance in living a life of worthy contribution, participation, unity, and most of all LOVE. What can we do to be His hands and feet for today and all of the tomorrows?!

no words

As I say there are no words, I sit and try to write. What else is there to do? Of course continue to advocate for Haiti. Continue to advocate for anyone without a voice. Continue to believe in better things to come despite what I've seen to be mostly the opposite. Continue to try and be the best mother I can be.

But today. What can I do? I haven't eaten, but the day's only half gone and honestly this 1 day fast may be simple with so many emotions involved. I go back and forth between wanting to shut off all forms of communication to avoid timelines, news feeds, messages, and phone calls. But ultimately avoidance doesn't help heal. Tears have come and gone as easily and I've breathed in and out today.

I always relate my feeling through music. I had the words "music and rhythm find their way into secret places of a soul" put on the back of my (RED) iPod. Throughout the past year many songs have touched my heart.

This particular one by Fantasia speaks to me. I want to tell all the people in and around PAP that the worst part is over. My desire is for one year of remembrance to be a time to mourn those lost and look to a brighter future. What I feel is different tho. I feel the worst part isn't over. I can't hold each and every suffering person and sincerely tell them something I'm not sure of. People were suffering before. People continue to suffer. The other side of that is that I want someone to hold me and tell me the worst part is over. I don't always want these vivid images to be forever etched in my mind.

JOIN ME - One Year Later

It's hard to fathom it's already been a year. So much has changed, but I can close my eyes and put myself right back there. I can feel the earth move. I can hear the cries of pain and those mourning. I can see the shock on faces. I can smell certain things I'd rather not write about. I can hear the songs being sung. I can feel the knot in my stomach, even tho very little was shown outwardly until days later back in the US.

There is a physical reaction beyond what our minds can process sometimes. I had never gone without food (or what I would consider an adequate amount) for long prior to the earthquake in Port-au-Prince. I get cranky and sick when I don't eat. But being in a situation where there is little to go around and new prospects for food and water are of concern is something that was a first for me. Many of you who read this can not fathom it either. But so many in our world face this on a regular basis.

There are numerous vigils, events, walks, moments of silence, etc taking place this week. I am asking for all of your support, tomorrow January 12th. Everyone can participate in some way. And let me know how you are!!! I am choosing to spend the day reflecting and fasting. This is tough for me, so all the more reason to do it. Fasting is biblical, but I don't expect you all to do the same. I don't believe in memorizing prayers or giving up things just because you are told to. The Lord asks us to do many things in our lives, but the basis of WHY we do them is most important. The sacrifice, the attention we give to Him during the process is what He wants from us.

When we are truly hungry we can empathize with those who are hungry and we can be grateful on another level that we are blessed with health and nourishment on a regular basis. "So we fasted and petitioned our God about this, and he answered our prayer." - Ezra 8:23

We all experience compassion fatigue. It's nearly impossible not to. It causes us to become cynical or resistant to those who are suffering. And who wants to think about all the tragedy in the world all of the time? I don't! But it is no excuse to ignore those who need us. Now, one year later, only 15% of promised funds have been delivered. Cholera, an illness that should never result in death, has spread and taken the lives of over 3,600 people according to recent reports. The people of Haiti need our prayers. They need our support and that comes in so many forms. If nothing else, let's take the time to discover how we can individually and collectively be proactive in helping.

The Lord answers prayers AND He provides guidance. "Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will hear you." - Jeremiah 29:12 Sometimes the hard part is being patient and waiting on His timing. But as soon as you put all that trust and faith into practice miracles happen. God gives us more than we asked for to begin with. Isaac and I are living proof.

Hannah in the bible, named her son Samuel (sounds like the Hebrew for heard by God) after praying long and hard for a child. "I prayed for this child, and the LORD has granted me what I asked of him." 1 Samuel 1:27

How can you say miracles don't still happen? I prayed for Isaac and some of us had families united long before we could have dreamed possible.